Powerless

I have no control over what over people do, feel, or say. But, as a mother that doesn't remove the desire to control things, especially when the things relate to my children.  I no longer have babies.  I have teenagers, one of them is 14 -- my daughter.

She was away for a few days visiting some friends she met last summer at a program at Georgetown Un. It was a wonderful experience for her and she has stayed close to the girls she met. I had spoken with her several times during this past weekend and she sounded fine.

Last night, she returned home and locked herself in her room. She was crying. The crying hasn't stopped. I ask her questions but receive a "no" head shake. I am scared that someone has hurt her as she will not talk, and will not look at me. 

I can't force her to talk about the problem, though I have tried to cajole it out of her. I feel badly that she won't share the problem. And so I sit with my anxiety about what the problem is and I feel powerless to affect a change.  I can get wrapped up in emotional turmoil, but I have learned over the years to talk about it-- to get clarity.  She hasn't learned that lesson yet and it is painful to watch.  I do not like to see my children in pain though I know we all grow through our experiences.   I have lessons to learn through this as well, one is learning how to change my feeling of powerlessness.