Monday, September 21, 2009

Working through the noise

I am sitting at my desk working on a novel. It is my first novel and I go days without sitting down to touch it. Procrastination, fear, anxiety? Who knows. There is usually a good deal of chatter in my head and no I am not psychotic. 

Then there is the noise of my dogs. A new puppy and a three year old, both labs. The puppy of course is the instigator. She bothers the older dog constantly. Betsy, the three year old is very gentle and so she whines and growls and the puppy keeps bugging her -- all of this under my feet, under my bed. As annoying as the sound from the dogs may be, it is better than the sound in my head.


Sunday, June 21, 2009

Time Passes

Wow. It has been so long since I wrote a post on this site. Thus, the title of the post. Time passes and things seem to change and then stay the same. I am always at a loss to think that as much progress as I make, I mostly feel like I am treading water. I don't mean that I am near drowning, no, but that I am getting nowhere .

I believe there are lessons to be learned and I wonder what it is I am doing that is preventing me from learning what feels like a major lesson. There must be a serious flaw within or I wouldn't be treading water.  

Watching my son move through his life with much more ease and grace than I do, is helpful. I can be an observer of his behavior and mine simultaneously. For example, we have been discussing working for art, working for money. He told me my ego gets in the way, that I have false pride.  To some extent he is correct, in other ways he is not. I am not 19 and bursting on to the scene as he is. I don't have the time to waste doing some things. And, I have always been a purist about my work, my art etc.

 When I was acting , working on Broadway was not something to aspire to. I was a serious actress and not ready to sell out-as it were, to work on Broadway. I was trained by famous people and would do my craft.  I still suffer from this type of thinking with my writing. What! me write copy, business writing-- don't you people understand I am an artist.  

Then, reality sets in and the need to find money for bills becomes overwhelming. 

One day it will work it self out in my head.  As I do believe I am teachable.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

What's Up with That

I don't know what that means, but I liked the sound of it. Actually, I haven't posted a blog in a long time. I was hired and fired from a job within 3 months. The economy was against me from the start as I had to raise funds, among others things. It was demoralizing but I have gotten over it. The whole project began with the "cards stacked against me" as it were. 

I am out looking like so many other people. Tomorrow, I have lunch with someone I would like to work with. We will see. Anyway, I have to keep going forward, one step at a time. I also have a writing project, my own, that is starting to really bother me, as I have avoided it. I will begin soon.:)