Tuesday, February 26, 2008

More about powerlessness or not....

I had forgotten that a post had been made concerning my daughter. As a mother who is attentive to her children's moods, coughs and every movement, I took my daughter to speak with a professional. I was assured that my daughter was well. An adolescent who is going through adolescent issues was the way it was stated. Still, it is not easy to watch my daughter struggle. She is generally a happy girl but clearly things are on her mind.

I never diminish the feelings of others (actually, I just wrote a post on my business site about women and emotions -- you can see that on zimbio.com women and business) and I do not diminish the angst she is moving through. I know that she will move through this in her time but I do wish I could lessen the pain. And, I know that lessening the pain would be a disservice to her -- she needs to learn how to move through all types of experiences including emotionally charged ones.

So, I do the best I can to stay calm, and trust that my wonderful daughter will come out of this alright. She has so much to offer the world. All we have to do is live through this crisis or as that saying goes: one day at a time.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Powerless

I have no control over what over people do, feel, or say. But, as a mother that doesn't remove the desire to control things, especially when the things relate to my children.  I no longer have babies.  I have teenagers, one of them is 14 -- my daughter.

She was away for a few days visiting some friends she met last summer at a program at Georgetown Un. It was a wonderful experience for her and she has stayed close to the girls she met. I had spoken with her several times during this past weekend and she sounded fine.

Last night, she returned home and locked herself in her room. She was crying. The crying hasn't stopped. I ask her questions but receive a "no" head shake. I am scared that someone has hurt her as she will not talk, and will not look at me. 

I can't force her to talk about the problem, though I have tried to cajole it out of her. I feel badly that she won't share the problem. And so I sit with my anxiety about what the problem is and I feel powerless to affect a change.  I can get wrapped up in emotional turmoil, but I have learned over the years to talk about it-- to get clarity.  She hasn't learned that lesson yet and it is painful to watch.  I do not like to see my children in pain though I know we all grow through our experiences.   I have lessons to learn through this as well, one is learning how to change my feeling of powerlessness.