Working through the noise

I am sitting at my desk working on a novel. It is my first novel and I go days without sitting down to touch it. Procrastination, fear, anxiety? Who knows. There is usually a good deal of chatter in my head and no I am not psychotic. 

Then there is the noise of my dogs. A new puppy and a three year old, both labs. The puppy of course is the instigator. She bothers the older dog constantly. Betsy, the three year old is very gentle and so she whines and growls and the puppy keeps bugging her -- all of this under my feet, under my bed. As annoying as the sound from the dogs may be, it is better than the sound in my head.

What will I do when I grow up

I ran into a woman I know earlier this morning as she was walking and I was returning from the dog park. We stopped to chat and we got to the subject of work. She has three children, high school, middle school and elementary school. She has been volunteering her time and now feels a bit put out as the schools expectations of her expertise and time commitments have become abusive.

"I am thinking about what I want to do when I grow up," she joked, as she explained she had a degree in foreign languages and had been working with the ESOL children. That struck a chord within me. I measure myself against the amount of money I earn too often and many times in unreasonable ways. If I write an article and receive $120 for the piece, it is not good enough. I am always putting myself down and in the process wonder what will I be when I grow up.

Here's the sad news. I am grown up and have been doing what I am doing for many years. So, when does the time come when I don't put myself down for not earning a million dollars as a writer? I know the answers are "within me" and blah, blah, blah. 

Giving that pity me stuff up for another thought, I realized this A.M. that I probably have enough stories for another short story book collection. That is really exciting. I will approach this collection a bit differently, I will pay closer attention to the generally accepted lengths of short stories. Mine, while not long enough to be novellas are none the less generally too long.

Boy, does that mean I know what I am going to be when I grow up? Or maybe, I should just stop worrying about it and get on with what excites me.

Blogging for the fun of it...

It is only a few short months ago that I began this blogging experience. I think I fall right into the general population of bloggers: after 3 months of blogging my posts began to dwindle. Partly, it is that I have not yet mastered the ability to connect with the world out there in cyber space. I did happen to see a figure on one of my sites that demonstrated to me that some in cyber space have actually found their way on to my blogs, but, they have not been moved to respond to anything I write.  Such is life. Recently, I have wanted to get back to this blogging business and see if I can't make the leap across the great divide or the great silence barrier. I have seen a few posts that give advice a such a process and I will once again try to implement these suggestions. In the mean time, I hope to get excited about blathering on on my blog sites and in the process inspire someone to reach out and blather back.

Buying a new computer

I remember the first time I needed to buy a computer. It was months before I could get the courage up to make the purchase. It was during the early 80's and while computers were around not so many people owned one. I remember, as I was living in a loft in Manhattan, that my upstairs neighbor was "investigating" a purchase. I learned a good from our discussions. I bought mine before he bought his computer. I bought an IBM and the operating system was DOS.

I learned enough of DOS to work my computer and write my dissertation on it. For whatever reasons, I eventually needed to buy a new computer-- this time I went with an Apple. There was a graphic designer in my building who owned a MAC and loved it. "You can't do anything to ruin this computer, " she told me one day, as I had the computer sitting on my desk for about two weeks unopened. I was afraid of it. I didn't know what would happen if I turned it on.

I followed her advice and turned it on. BOOM the thing froze before it had completely booted up. That led to many phone calls and finally several hours of talking with support to straighten out the problem. We became such good friends during the long arduous process of figuring out what was wrong with my computer, that at the end, when the machine was up and running, the man on the other end of the phone said, "Now, Linda, you need to get a glass of wine and take a warm, bath to calm down. Everything is fine." He was cute. I don't know that I did either of those things, but I certainly didn't feel anymore secure about my ability to operate a computer than I had before I hit the on switch-- and so much for the graphic artist's advice...

I have had several computers since that time and today I need to go once again and purchase a new computer. Since those first years, I have had different kinds of computers, including one custom made. My kids have MAC laptops with all kinds of fancy bells and whistles. I think I will go back over to Apple. I am sure that once I make the purchase I will have heart palpitations before I turn the thing on. This time, I will probably enlist the help of my son--he no doubt will think I am ridiculous.

But, now I am facing transferring the data from my PC to the MAC and the thought of that makes me nervous. Oh Well, yet another adventure. Hopefully, I won't repeat my first experience and have the thing freeze up on me and I won't loose any important files in the transfer. After all these years, I know alot more about computers and how to do things but I am still intimidated by them and get confused when trying to do things, like import buttons to make this blog more visible.

More will be revealed as I like to write....

Mastering the blog

I am a bit intimidated by this blogging stuff. But, unlike things in the past, I keep coming back to it. I have resolved that I will get help to understand and develop my blog. I know already that I am missing something particular as I have posted several items over two months but do not know if the world has received them. I have also, joined, I think networks etc. It is a bit daunting to keep writing in the dark, as it were.

And, I am not clear about the process of earning money from blogging. It has taken me a couple of years to attempt this and I am determined to make it work. I do learn quickly but I need help. I have applied to be part of the AdSense and was approved. Yet, I do not seem to know how to coordinate it all. Someone, several weeks ago, e-mailed me with all kinds of instructions. I tried to understand them but to no avail. Oh Well. It is all a learning process and I am up to learning new things.

It seems that the older I get, the slower I learn. Perhaps it is more accurate to write, the slower I move through my hesitations and anxieties. But, I am resolved. I will get this together and I will do it by the end of January. From there, I plan on building my blog into a thriving business. I am a writer by nature, by craft, by profession. It just makes sense that blogging is a part of the process now. It is not enough to write stories, or articles, or books, not even speech writing. It is not enough to try my hand at screenwriting. For me, using words to communicate has taken on many forms and contexts. I willingly embrace all of them.

Mastering the form is the problem far more so than the context. I understand the context in the bigger picture, though that is stated from a position on the outside looking in. I will have to revisit the issue of form and context in a year.

For the moment, if you see this post, please connect with me. You can read more of my ramblings at 4firestone.wordpress.com.